"Welcome to my bedroom, future lover. Over here is my collection of dvds about serial killers and drug dealers, and over there is a stack of more Terry Pratchett books than any one person could possibly need. Look out, you almost sat on my stuffed Matt Smith doll. I hope you don’t mind if I wear this Darth Vader helmet while we have sex. I’ll put some tiny blindfolds on the lawn gnomes so they can’t watch (gnomes are perverts)."